A JOYful kick in the pants...

        You know those moments when you spend some time venting to God and then you get a big kick in the pants?  That “joyous” experience when God brings to light an elementary truth or lesson that you shouldn’t need to be taught at this point in your walk.  The sheepish feeling of realizing you weren’t quite as far along or as wise as you thought you were.  Maybe you don’t know that feeling.   If that’s the case, fantastic! Good job.  Personally, I’m finding it happening more and more often in my life; it is quite humbling. I thought I might take a little effort to record one of those memorable, humbling experiences in my life:

         Over the years, especially since sophomore year of nursing school, I have struggled a lot with depression and anxiety. I tried medication, but it just didn’t seem to help that much. I kept begging God to give me that joy that I received at salvation.  I kept entreating Him to change my feelings and give me peace. My problem? I did not understand what kind of joy I was supposed to be asking for.  

         I found myself expecting God to fill up my joy tank by changing my circumstances or just “giving” me a happy feeling regardless. The source of my joy, and whether I had it or not, was highly based on how I was doing. If I felt like I was not doing well in my circumstances, I felt depressed and could not get that “joyful feeling.” 

          No wonder I was on such a roller coaster of emotion sophomore fall semester!  My circumstances often looked and felt not-so-good.  I felt like I was drowning and unable to diligently accomplish anything for God. Then, while home on winter break 2011, I was reading some verses in a Bible promise book under “Joy”. An epiphany occured--"rejoice in the Lord” occurs over and over again. I had always read that as, “when you are close to God you will rejoice, and praise Him.” However--here enters my “duh” moment.  The verses actually are saying rejoice in THE LORD. The LORD is supposed to be my joy. It does not say the my joy is dependent on my PERFORMANCE or CIRCUMSTANCES. My joy is in GOD and who He is. My circumstances don’t effect unchanging God, my joy’s source.  

I can have joy ALL THE TIME as long as I’m seeking it from the right place—God. 

Coolio, right?